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I’m big into acknowledgment. 
When Jack and Margaret would fall down, I didn’t say, “Getup! Shake it off!” even though I know that works for some people. Instead, Idid what I would want someone to do for me, “Wow! That was some fall? Wheredoes it hurt?” It’s not that I wanted to turn tiny things into big things, ormake my kids into wimps, but I don’t believe that’s how acknowledgment worksanyway. I think acknowledging someone’s pain, stress, or struggle helps themfeel understood and strengthens them to move forward.
 I tried to teach Timthis early in our relationship, because we seemed complete opposites in thisregard. The results have been mixed. When I would be going through something,either big or small, and try to tell him about it, he would be silent. Like nosounds whatsoever.  This could be becausehe processes things more s-l-o-w-l-y than I do. Or that he was under theimpression that if you ignore a problem, it goes away, but if you acknowledgeit, it grows. Ha.
Take, for example, if I got sick, like maybe even cracking a ribfrom coughing while pregnant. I'd want to hear, "That sucks!" or, "What a pain!” This would make me feel cared about, and I would want to be braveand strong and try my best to get better.
I don’t think Tim ever thought about it consciously, but itseemed to me that he worried if he acknowledged my pain, whether physical or emotional, that somehow he’d getstuck staying home from work taking care of me and who knows what kind of chaos and madness would erupt? 
I think it’s the opposite.
I believe acknowledgment, or letting someone know she’s beenheard, diffuses many situations.  Infact, when he didn’t acknowledge that I was sick or stressed, I’d feel the needto say, “Boy I still feel terrible today! Cough. Cough” again and again,because, Hello, he obviously hadn’t heard me the first 5 times! Same thing withproblems in our relationship. I would want to acknowledge when we were in a badspot. Not talk it to death, mind you, but at least bring it out into the light.He would look scared, shocked, and silent.
This has improved over the years as Tim gingerly uses a few phrasesI’ve taught him, “That must be scary.” “You sound pretty upset about that.” “Thatstinks.” He has found if he acknowledges me, I feel like he is present with meand is not just hoping I’ll just shut up and go away.
When it comes to losing a child, particularly in a split-secondaccident, many people are ready and able to acknowledge your pain. They may notbe able to fully grasp how terrible it is to try to live without your child,but they freely acknowledge a huge, huge loss has occurred. The acknowledgmentwe have received from so many people (YOU!) has surely made us feel less alone.
But there are many people suffering losses whomight not get the kind of support we have. They may be going through a divorce.They may have lost their job and therefore, their identity.  They may be mourning an elderly parent or agood friend.  They may have lost a childduring pregnancy or at birth.Acknowledgment of child loss could also be complicated by itbeing a suicide, drunk driving, or a drug overdose.

I wonder whether those who lose children to cancer get asmuch acknowledgement as those who have died in a sudden accident like Jack did.If a child has struggled for years, friends may compassionately think it is a blessing for thechild to be free from treatments and pain, but they may forget parents are mourningthe healthy child they knew and loved and also all they hoped for that child in thefuture.

Even as I crave acknowledgment in my life, I admit manytimes I’ve avoided acknowledging others’ pain because I was afraid they wouldthen need too much from me. Sound a little like Tim? It’s like when I prayedand prayed for new neighbors because I wanted to be a bright light for them,helping them find their way in our town. But I really didn’t want them to be tooneedy or vulnerable, just enough for me to swoop in (and OUT!) with a smile and maybe acookie tray. 

Now, with Jack’s death, I am the hurting, vulnerable one. I amthe one who needs acknowledgment and support. I pray that I can meet the needsof those around me without worrying that being with them in their pain willrequire more than I can give.
 I want to remind myself that acknowledging others' pain can be a balm to their hurting souls.I want to show up for others as you have shown upfor me.