Chain Reaction

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When Jack was little, he and Tim would spend hours settingup elaborate machines to make chain reactions. Margaret and I would swoop in toview the final products, but only the boys had the patience to rig up pulleysout of Tinker Toys, make tracks out of paper towel tubes, and send marbles andwooden trains down paths to a desired effect.

My favorite was the balloon popper, when Jack was about 5.  Pulleys and buckets and tracks set offreaction after reaction until, at the very end, a sharpened pencil would dipdown and pop a red balloon. The idea! The excitement! Every single action andreaction had to be perfect in order for this to happen. I remember standingthere, video camera in hand, as each object set in motion the next and the nextand the next. The balloon looked doomed for sure! But in the last second, asthe pencil spun toward the taut balloon…nothing. The point was not quite sharp enoughto pierce the balloon.

I’ve been writing about our lives. Jack’s life,  and thinking of the chain of events leading upto his death. Not ruminating, but trying to understand and lay things out. Ittruly is amazing how one thing led to another and at any point, at the the smallest ofjunctures, the momentum of that day would have beendiverted and it would have had a very different ending. If the powercompany had trimmed the trees along the road that week, instead of just one weeklater, and the electricity had stayed on. If I had said to the kids, “You need to stay inside.” If our neighbors had considered the creek intheir backyard to be hazardous. If Timhad made it home at his usual time. If the weather had been windy and coldinstead of balmy and intoxicating. If I had gotten to the creek 10 seconds sooner. If. If. If. You can take this way back. Ifwe had not wanted a bigger house 9 years before. If I had been brave enough to move out of state when the kids weresmall.

Chain reactions are persnickety things. Every single factorhas to be perfectly placed or they fail every time. I find this frustrating, yet interesting. We can all look at our lives and imagine if one thing had unfolded differently. If Tim hadn't been at a graduate level pool party when he was still an undergrad, we never would have met.  If a devastating miscarriage hadn't led  to another, different pregnancy you would not have the very baby you are cuddling right now. If a chance conversation had gone a different direction...If. If. If.I remember sharing with Jack an intriguing book about how every action counts, "The Butterfly Effect," by Andy Stanley. It's a lot to think about.Chain reactions. Too much for a Monday morning? *****For your viewing pleasuse, here's a short clip of one of Jack's smaller chain reactions. Seeing Margaret at the end is priceless. It's worth it even if Jack is rubbing (not picking!) his nose. Sorry, Jack.